


BELONGING

by bluefirecas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Coda, Communication, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Dean Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, References to Depression, heart to heart, lots of communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluefirecas/pseuds/bluefirecas
Summary: Set around 13x05 (Advanced Thanatology) and post 13x06 (Tombstone).Part 1 : Dean is grieving, Sam is worried for his brother.Part 2 : Castiel just came back from the Empty. Jack left the bunker and now Cas is ready to leave to find him.------------"Okay, well. You know if you need anything I'm right down the hall?""I know, Sam. Now get outta here and get some sleep."Sam gives a half-smile before he gets up to leave. Dean is lying and Sammy knows it."Should I leave the door open?""I'm not a kid, Sam."------------
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 25
Kudos: 98





	BELONGING

**Author's Note:**

> It’s an angsty with a happy ending CODA and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it.  
> PS: Do let me know what you think <3  
> Find me as @bluefirecas on tumblr!

**Part 1**

\-----------------

_“Noooooo!”_

It’s midnight and Dean wakes up with a jolt. A flash of white light and he’s writhing in agony; screaming. Sam comes running to his room, pointing his gun in Dean's direction, but lowers it the moment he steps inside.

Dean's wide awake, breathing heavily, soaked in sweat. He's quiet now but even then, Dean pays no attention to Sam. Instead he's fixated on his bedroom door, like he’s waiting for someone. Sam takes a seat at the edge of the bed, and feels how unusually cold Dean’s body is. He wraps a blanket around his brother and holds him until he stops shaking.

It takes a few minutes before Dean acknowledges Sam's presence. He pats Sammy's arm around his neck, gesturing to him that he's okay.

"How bad?"

"The usual."

"It didn’t seem like it. Do you want to talk about it, Dean?"

Dean shakes his head.

"Okay, well. You know if you need anything I'm right down the hall?"

"I know, Sam. Now get outta here and get some sleep."

Sam gives a half-smile before he gets up to leave. Dean is lying and Sammy knows it.

"Should I leave the door open?"

"I'm not a kid, Sam."

Dean gets out of bed immediately after to wash his face. He knows he won’t be able to sleep now. He's focused on his reflection in the mirror and there it is. A flash of familiar blue eyes. He's not afraid though. _How can he?_ This isn’t the first time. He remembers every detail of his nightmare. All of it. _How can he ever forget?_

\-----------------

It happens again. And again. Dean can’t sleep much nowadays but whenever he does, he usually wakes up screaming.

Sam's quick to rush in to help. Once, he found Dean crawled into a corner, head in his hands. His brother has had sleepless nights before, but never like this. Sam can see what it's doing to him, but Dean won't talk about it and he knows better than to keep on asking him. This is not the Dean he knows.

\-----------------

“I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

Dean confesses. They've had a long, tiring day. Going to family therapy for a case, turned out to be just what they needed. Sam lets out his breath in a long drawn out sigh. He knew there wasn’t anything that he could possibly say to make it better. Dean is grieving. He has lost too much; as has Sam but he understands that he has always had his big brother to take care of even the littlest things. Dean remembers losing their mother much more vividly than Sam; not just because he was too young to remember, but because Dean always made sure his baby brother, his Sammy, never had to relive that horrifying truth until he was old enough to understand it. Now it’s Sam’s turn to take care of Dean, just like he did, all his life. He'll keep the faith for both of them, he won't back down.

\-----------------

Sam will do whatever it takes to help his brother deal with everything that’s happened, and all that’s going on, the best way he knows - a hunt. With a side of strippers, maybe, that ought to cheer him up. He'll give him _Agent Page_ ; he'll make sure Dean gets to do everything that he enjoys.

So he finds something near Grand Junction, Colorado; a missing kid and a traumatized best friend found wandering on the side of the road just uttering the word “monster”. Perfect. It’ll just be the two of them, like old times. Jack can stay back in the bunker with some extra warding and Sam's favourite fantasy movies. Sam knows Dean needs this more than he does.

\-----------------

“I mean, when’s the last time we worked a case, just you and me?”

“It’s been a while.”

“Exactly. So?”

\-----------------

“You okay?”

“No. Sam, I’m not okay. I’m pretty far from okay. You know, my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost. Whether it was dad... or Bobby or… and I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting, because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now Mom and Cas… And I-I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“So now you don’t believe anymore.”

“I just need a win. I just need a damn win.”

\-----------------

_Bullets, bacon and booze._

That's how Dean said he will cope. Dying wasn't supposed to be on his agenda. _Then where the hell did that come from?_

Their ride back from Colorado is a long one. 7 hours of deafening music for Sam. They’ve been driving for what feels like forever. They stop at a diner to have lunch, and at a Gas station but Dean hasn’t said much since they got into the Impala, and after what happened on the hunt, Sam can’t let it go.

It wasn't supposed to go like this, Sam just wanted to distract Dean for a little while, but in a drastic turn of events, he almost lost his brother, for real this time.

Sam really needs to talk to him. He lowers the volume, clears his throat, and turns to look at Dean.

“Hey, you wanna tell me what happened back there?”

“About what? I told you everything. I saw Billie.”

“About why you decided to kill yourself in two freaking seconds? And why the hell did you think it was a good idea in the first place?"

Sam has snapped. Dean can tell it's not gonna be pretty. Still focused on the road, he answers almost mechanically.

“It's the job, and you know it. I had to, Sam. There wasn’t any time.”

“No, Dean. You didn’t have to. We could've discussed it first or we could've found an alternative or I could've done it too!”

“Sammy, you know I wouldn’t let you do something like that.”

“But you’d do it in an instant without hesitation? Without talking to me? That’s not fair, Dean. I almost lost you. Do you realize how hard those three minutes were for me? No goodbyes… Nothing? What if you had stayed dead?”

Dean hits the brakes and pulls over to the side of the road. This is not the conversation to have when he's driving.

_When has life ever been fair to us, Sammy?_

Dean can't find the courage to look at Sam so he concentrates on the road instead. It’s almost sunset and he notices how the sky looks like a painting, beautiful shades of red and orange, yellow and pink. There’s still a little blue left towards the horizon through which he can see the long road ahead of them. An empty stretch and there’s not a single soul in sight. Empty. _Just like how he feels right now._ He knows Sam’s right.

Dean reluctantly turns to get a glimpse of his brother before he looks back at the dark road. _His little brother_ , who is furious now while trying so hard to hold back his tears. Dean feels a little ashamed. He did make the decision in haste, not caring whether he lived or died. He has given up. But he can't do that to Sam.

He can still hear every word Billie said to him. _“You have changed. And you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it, but you know you won't, you can’t and that scares the hell out of you.”_ But how can he say that to Sam? Billie told them to keep working, keep fighting. But they never stopped, and he won't ever stop. He can’t abandon his brother and leave him all alone. That's not what family is for.

_It's not too late._ “Sam, I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have done it." Dean says apologetically.

“I know I'm supposed to say it's okay, but it's not Dean. Ever since that night, you've been on edge, and honestly, I don't blame you. Nothing makes sense anymore. I get it, Dean. Every time it feels like we're doing okay, that we'll be fine, we lose it all. We're cursed. I hate that. Sometimes I hate being alive; it feels like it's all my fault."

Sam wipes his face with his hands and gets out of the car to take a breather. He leans against the hood of the Impala. Dean knows it's been the hardest couple of weeks for both of them, but he never thought that Sam is suffering just as much as him. And even then he was trying to help him in his own stupid ways. _How could he not see?_

Dean swings around in his seat to grab a beer from the cooler in the back before he follows his brother out of the car. He sits right next to him and offers him a beer.

"I-I didn't know, Sammy. I should've been there for you. I'm sorry."

Sam can't ever refuse Dean's apology beer. He takes a swig and finds the words he's been wanting to say to Dean for weeks now.

"You're not alone in this Dean. I know about the nightmares. That you’re barely getting any sleep, because I'm up half of the time too. I’ve seen you walk around the bunker, making food in the middle of the night. But you don’t even eat it. I’ve seen you sitting by yourself with a beer in your hand but you don’t drink it. You just stare at it, like you’re waiting for it to say something? I know you’re in pain. You're thinking about Cas… and Mom… I know. We'll find her, Dean. We have to."

“I believe you Sammy. I do. But I’m just so tired of losing everyone I love. I couldn’t save mom. God knows where she is or if she's even alive."

"Dean, I have to believe that she’s alive, I can feel it. She’s our mom! She’s strong, she won’t ever give up. You asked me to keep the faith. I will. We’ll find her.”

"I don't know… I honestly don't. I couldn’t save Cas. I couldn’t protect them. I failed, and I watched him die, again! You saw it too; you know he’s not coming back this time. I just don’t have the energy to fight anymore.”

There's a pause, a long one. Dean glances at Sam but he's looking out the other side. Several minutes pass before either of them speaks again. It's getting darker and as much as Dean loved watching sunsets before, he can't seem to enjoy them anymore. It's Sam that breaks the silence.

“Did you ever tell him? About how you feel?”

Sam's scanning his face for some sort of a sign. Dean turns slightly pink and looks like he's been caught red-handed but he tries to play it cool. “What?” He asks casually.

“Cas. Did you ever tell him?”

Sam shifts in his place till he’s facing Dean, who's still leaning against his Baby. He takes another gulp of his cold beer, looking surprised, almost embarrassed. Sam patiently waits for an answer.

“What the hell are you talking about? Tell him what?” Dean asks with a hint of hesitation in his tone.

Sam wastes absolutely no time before he speaks.

“You know Dean, I’ve seen how you looked at him. He was our best friend, but he was always something more to you. I realized that; in fact I saw it every time you both so much as looked at each other. The question is, _why didn’t you?_ ”

“Are you drunk? Do you even know what you’re saying?”

Sam frowns. “I know what I'm talking about, Dean. But you don’t. I never said anything because it’s not my place but now Cas is dead and you don’t want to live anymore? It’s not just about mom, and you know it.”

_Sam’s wrong. This can’t be true. It’s Cas! Of course he's upset. Cas was his best friend, and now he’s- he’s gone. He was his closest friend; that’s all there is to it. But, why doesn’t it feel that way?_

“Of course I’m not okay. We just lost Cas and we don't know anything about mom and I don’t know what to do.”

“Look, Dean. All I’m saying is, when I lost Jess, you were there for me. Now I want to be there for you. I can’t bring him back, but I’m right here by your side, for whatever you need. You can talk to me.”

“You loved Jess. That was different.”

“And you don’t? You don’t love Cas?”

But before he can reply, they’re interrupted. Dean’s phone is ringing. He takes this perfect opportunity to avoid the question he doesn’t know the answer to. If he tells Sam that he’s never thought about it, _he’d be lying._

Sam’s glaring at him, nostrils flaring. Dean answers the call, and just like that, within a moment, Sam watches his brother’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

“What is it? Who was it?”

“It’s Cas. He’s alive.”

\-----------------

“You’re in a good mood, huh?”

“Yeah. And?”

“Nothing. No, no, I just, uh… you’ve been having a rough go, so it’s… it’s good to see you smile.”

“Well, I said I needed a big win. We got Cas back. That’s a pretty damn big win.”

“Yeah. Fair enough. So are you gonna talk to him now?”

“We’ll talk about this later, Sammy.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m just saying, don’t waste any more time.”

This time, Sam waits for Dean to respond. Several seconds pass, but Dean doesn’t say anything. Sam’s done putting their coats in the closet; he shuts the cupboard, walks up to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. He gives it a gentle squeeze, like an assurance of some kind. Dean's looking anywhere but at Sam.

“Dean, I will never judge you for feeling how you feel, you know that right? I’m your brother and I love you. I’ve looked up to you most of my life and I will do anything for you. But I’ve also seen you around Cas. I know you, Dean. You and him? That’s something special. And I think he knows it too.”

Dean's fiddling with his hat. He's been on a roll ever since Cas came back from the Empty. That and a case in Dodge City? Cherry on top. It's like someone brought him back to life and he can finally breathe again. Dean can't help but feel… happy. And Sam's not blind, so he can't deny it. _Cas is Dean's big win._ Sam can see it too. _But what about Cas?_

“Sammy… I-I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know anything.”

“You will know soon enough. Trust me. Just talk to him.”

“This is not how I’m supposed to feel. It’s wrong; hell, it’s _so_ _wrong._ ”

“It’s not wrong, Dean. It’s love. Love can never be wrong.”

_Love._ There it is.

“You think I love him?”

\-----------------

“All right. Well, let’s go.”

Dean gets up from his seat as soon as Cas mentions that he's going to heaven to get some intel on Jack.

“Dean, you can’t accompany me. My contact is already anxious about meeting and won’t speak in the presence of a stranger.”

“So introduce me. Then I’m not a stranger. I’ll bring a six-pack.”

“Dean, I swore I would protect this boy. Let me do this.”

Cas takes off.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Dean yells with a hint of worry in his voice but Cas ignores him and keeps on walking.

“Are you just gonna let him go? Again?”

“What can I do, Sam? You heard him.”

“Since when do you do what you’re told?”

“I don’t know if I should do this, Sammy… He doesn’t want me to come. And he doesn’t want to stay. I can’t make him.”

“You know you can. Tell him. You may never get another chance, Dean. This is it.”

“What if I ruin everything? What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“I'm sure he does. He loves you, Dean. Go, now. Don’t let him leave.”

Dean seems nervous, but Sam can see his excitement rising. Dean’s slowly grinning now. He pulls Sam in for a rib crushing hug and Sam obliges. This is the happiest he's ever seen his brother considering what they've been through.

“I’m gonna bring him back, Sammy.”

\-----------------

**Part 2**

**\----------------**

It’s extraordinary the things you can accomplish once you put your mind to it. At the time, Cas had little hope that his plan to escape the Empty would work. He never thought he had it in him. He took a gamble and now he’s out of that dark place, the void, leaving behind the worst parts of himself in the Empty. All his time on Earth, and the Winchesters, taught him to fight for what you want and when the time came, Cas knew what he had to do.

Sitting in his car, still parked in the bunker’s huge parking lot, he’s desperate to do anything he can to find Jack and save him from everybody; the demons, the Angels and probably himself. After Jack vanished, Cas and the Winchesters tried every lead they had to track down the Nephilim, but he’s surprisingly good at staying under the radar, considering he’s only been here for a few weeks. Jack was so angry and hurt when he left and Cas feels responsible. _How could he let this happen?_ Jack was his responsibility and he had made a promise to Kelly that he would protect her son no matter what and teach him everything he can about embracing his human side. Now Jack’s gone and Cas doesn’t know what to do. Right now, he’s helpless and he can only hope the Angels haven’t gotten a hold of him, or worse, Asmodeus’ demons. He can tell Jack’s a good kid from the little time he’s spent with him. After all it was Jack who woke him up in the Empty.

He knows he should start the car and start moving but there’s something eating him up inside. He wishes he still had his wings and could just zap himself anywhere but it’s his fault that the angels fell, so he no doubt deserves it. It was a trap, and he fell for it like a fool. Just like he thought he could help by letting Lucifer in. Dean tells him that it wasn’t his fault; that he was only trying to help but Cas still feels guilty for everything. He wishes he could be of help, and not just a screw-up. Whenever he tries to do the right thing, he fails, and that burden, that failure is absolutely crushing him every moment of his existence because he’s hurting everyone around him.

He doesn’t know how to fix it. Nothing seems to work in his favour and he’s starting to feel like he shouldn’t be anywhere near Sam and Dean for their own well-being. He’s never told them about this, but he feels like if he does, they’ll agree with him. He is broken, and he knows it. But he doesn’t know how to get rid of this feeling. _Feelings._ He has feelings now and no way to cope with them.

It is strange, to be a cosmic being, an angel who’s fallen in every way possible. Ever since he experienced what it like is to be human, it has always stayed with him. His compassion, his morality, the taste of PB&J, a slight feeling of belonging, and most importantly, _his feelings for Dean._ But he also felt the pain, the guilt, the feeling of hopelessness, his inadequacy and his failures. It still haunts him to this day and he doesn’t know how to make it stop.

It’s time to leave his thoughts behind and get going, he tells himself sternly. He told the Winchesters that he will check with the Angels to see if they have any information that can help him find Jack and bring him home. Dean wanted to join him, but he can’t let that happen. He can’t let Dean accompany him.

He’s only been back a couple of days and they haven’t even had a chance to talk. And with everything that’s going on, Cas can’t focus on anything else but Jack, no matter how much he wants to stay at the bunker, his home. _Home._ Not in heaven, not with the Angels, but with Dean, with Sam, his family. He still doesn’t know if it’s true but that’s what Dean always says, and Cas wants to believe it, so bad, but he’s not able to.

The day Castiel saved Dean Winchester from hell was the day this one insignificant human became his mission. He would do such things for him that he didn’t know he was capable of doing. He was a warrior of heaven, always following his orders, always being the best at his job, and always fighting for the righteous cause. He never thought anyone could change that; anyone, let alone a human.

Dean Winchester changed everything for Castiel. For starters, he became “Cas”. He’s always liked his nickname, the one Dean gave him. And Cas loves it. Dean. Dean. _Dean_. He can never get him out of his head. He remembers it all, right from the beginning and all the way to where they are now. He was just a “hammer” as Dean says, not caring about anyone or anything. And then he started having doubts, all because of him. He wouldn’t have been able to help stop heaven’s dirty plan had it not been for everything he learnt from Dean and Sam. He never realized just how quickly Dean became something more than a mission; his friend, his best friend, _his family._

He will never forget the day he woke up in the Empty. It was pitch black, nothing to see and nowhere to go. How poetic, Cas thought. After everything he’s done, he probably deserves it. An eternity of solitude and unrest, nothing but his memories to accompany him. And then just when he thought he was all alone, he found someone. It called itself “the Empty” but it looked just like his vessel.

How can he forget looking in its eyes, seeing his worst fears, with the most terrible part of him staring back at him? Everything the Empty told him was true, or it had seemed true at that moment, and Cas was on the verge of giving up. But somewhere along the way he realized that he’s not worthless. _He has a family on Earth._ Sam and Dean may be damaged but they love him. He had to get back to them and be the guardian angel that he’s always been. And now there’s Jack too, he’s Cas’ mission now, after Dean, he has a cause and he just cannot abandon him. He can’t give up.

And just like that, he was out. The sun shone on him again and he was free.

He called Dean; he’ll always be the first phone call Cas makes. And look how happy Dean was to have him back! How can he ever doubt him? That he doesn’t love him? But he will never ask Dean about it. He will never read his mind. And he will never act on his feelings for him. He’s still an angel and Dean’s not. _Why did it have to be like this?_

His time as a human taught him so much about them - about their feelings, about food, about pain and heartbreak, but most importantly, about love. Love that he felt in his heart, his soul and his whole body, love for Dean.

His soul ached for Dean’s comfort, his warmth. All he wanted was to stay with him, be with him and hold him close. He didn’t know it would be this hard. Dean told him to leave just when he needed him the most. And that was the first time he could hear his pulse racing, his body numb and every atom in his being telling him to scream at Dean and ask him, _how he could do that to him?_

He becomes lost in thought again. In fact, he’s so distracted that he doesn’t hear the footsteps coming towards his direction. He looks to his right and watches as Dean rushes to him, frantically waving at him to stop the car. Cas stops the ignition and gets out, all confused and worried. _Did something happen to Sam? Why would Dean be in such a rush to stop him otherwise?_ Dean reaches the car, bends over, and puts his hands on his knees, panting, gesturing to Cas to give him a second to catch his breath.

In that moment Cas is reminded again that he is an immortal being and he’ll never grow old, but Dean is not. He will age, and he will one day, leave him. He puts a hand on the hunter’s shoulder and asks him with concern, “Dean, what’s wrong? Is Sam okay?”

“He’s fine. Listen. I know you told me to not come with you but I don’t care. I’m coming with. Can’t let you get yourself into trouble again.”

“Dean. I’m an Angel. I know how to handle myself.”

Dean feels a flash of irritation followed by a moment of grief. He remembers what it was like with Cas gone.

“Are you sure? Because from what I remember, the last time it got you killed. And I can’t let that happen again!”

Dean is staring at him like he’s about to murder him. Cas can see Dean is running on sheer anger now. He decides to try reason. He knew there was no point arguing with him right now. He takes a long breath and speaks calmly.

“I was trying to protect you and Sam. You know that.”

“Cas, I don’t care. I’m coming with you and that’s it.”

“Dean, please. Let me do this. I owe it to Kelly. Jack was my responsibility and I’ve already ruined it once. I can’t wreck it again.”

Dean looks away and takes a step towards the driver’s seat to open the door, and looks back at him and speaks with a new conviction in his voice.

“That’s what I’m saying, Cas. I can’t let you get yourself killed again. I just can’t. I watched you die. I won’t let that happen again. Ever. So you get your ass back in your crappy car and we’ll do this together.”

Cas takes a step back. He doesn’t know how to stop Dean. Again, nothing works. Dean can be so stubborn. _Why wouldn’t he just back off this once?_

“Why do you care so much Dean? What if you get killed while you’re trying to protect me? What will I tell Sam? I can’t live with that guilt for the rest of eternity. I can’t take that chance. So if I die, I die. I deserve it. I’ve just made everything worse for you. I don’t want Sam to lose his brother because he’s trying to save me.”

Dean can’t believe Cas just said that. He looks at his angel with resolve. He’s determined to stop him and he will. He’s not going to leave Cas on his own again. He’s always had trouble talking about his feelings, no chick flick moments, but not today. Cas just came back from the dead, again. Dean can’t lose him now. Not today, not tomorrow, not _ever._

“Cas, can we talk about this?”

“What is there to discuss, Dean?”

“I know I haven’t always been there for you, especially when you lost your grace and you needed me the most. I was a dick to you. I still am sometimes. But you’re my best friend and I care about you, man. I need you!”

Dean takes a hesitant step towards Cas. It’s been a few seconds since he stopped talking but Cas hasn’t said anything. Dean can feel the tension building. He’s looking expectantly at Cas because he’s confident it will work in his favour. _He knows it will_. _And then he won’t have to admit the “other stuff”, the real reason he came up here for. He can talk about that later, when the time is right._ But Cas is just staring at him, searching for something; like he’s waiting for an answer to a question that he never asked.

Cas is the first one to break eye contact, he looks down at his feet and glances back up at Dean. In all the time he has known Cas, he’s never seen him like this.

“Cas? Say something?”

“I don’t know how to make you understand, Dean. It’s not just about that. I can’t stay here. I want to, I do, but I can’t. You don’t understand, you never will. And I can’t blame you for it. It’s better if I go. Let me go, please.”

“Too bad. I’m not going to let you just leave like that. So try me.”

“Dean, please. Don’t force me.”

“I’m not forcing you. I just want to know what’s wrong. So tell me, I want to know.”

“You don’t understand the consequences it can have if I tell you. It can be catastrophic! I can’t risk it, Dean!” Cas raises his voice.

“Damn it, Cas! Why can’t you just talk to me? Can’t you see I’m trying to help you? You’re my best friend!”

Dean pauses for a moment, collecting himself. “You’re more important to me than you think, Cas. Can’t you see that?”

“What…?”

“I… I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t understand anything. All I know is that when I lost you, I thought it was final and I tried to bring you back, I tried! I prayed to Chuck, I begged him to bring you back, to bring mom back, but nothing happened! There were days when I just didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t know what to do!”

Dean moves a little closer now, and Cas can see tears forming up in his eyes. Just when he’s about to say something, Dean raises his hands and cradles his angel’s face gently, his thumbs caressing his cheeks.

“Cas. I don’t understand how it happened, I don’t know when it happened, but now you’re back by some miracle and I have to tell you. You are my _everything_. I’m not losing you again okay? Now you better tell me what the hell is going on.”

“Dean… I don’t know what to say, or how to say it. I’m not human and I’m not allowed to feel anything. But since the day I met you, everything has changed. I rebelled, I constantly went against my kind and now I don’t have a home. I’m neither an Angel nor a human. You and Sam are my friends but look where that got you. I always bring trouble and when I can’t even protect myself, how will I protect you?”

“You have a home, Cas. This is your home. I’m your home. I want you to stay here with me. I don’t care about anything else!” Dean’s almost yelling at Cas now.

“Dean, please. You have to understand that we don’t belong together. We can’t. I don’t belong anywhere. I’m an outsider and I always will be.”

Cas cannot let this happen. Dean _must_ understand. He can’t risk his life. He can’t be with him. He gently moves Dean’s hands away from his face and turns his back on him.

Dean refuses to let this go. It took him too many years to finally realize how he feels. So much time wasted, so many missed opportunities. He goes around Cas to face him. He won’t back down, and this will not be the end. Cas is not even looking at him, but he will _make_ him.

Dean whispers “Cas. I love you.” And more firmly, “I’m in love with you.”

Astonished, Cas looks up at the hunter. The human for whom he sacrificed everything; all of it, because he made him question everything he had known about heaven. _How can he be in love with him? Surely, Dean must be mistaken for Cas doesn’t matter._ He served heaven and now he helps the Winchesters.

“Dean, you don’t know what you’re saying.” Cas responds wistfully, lowering his gaze.

“I do. I want to be with you. You get it? I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. You’re not an outsider to me, Cas. You’re my family. You’ll always be. Look at me, Cas.”

Dean gently takes Cas’ face in his palms, wiping away a tear from his right cheek. He is fixated on Cas’ tired but beautiful, piercing blue eyes; the kind of eyes that remind you of all the colours you’d find in the ocean. You’d be willing to drown in them.

“You can never hurt me or Sam. You belong with me.”

“You deserve someone better than me, Dean. You deserve to be happy.”

Dean pokes at his chest. “I deserve you. You make me happy. I dare you to take that away from me.”

Castiel smiles. Dean Winchester _is_ stubborn.

“Now let’s go upstairs and tell Sam, he’s been waiting! And after that, we’ll go and find Jack, the three of us. We’re better together.”

\-----------------

**Author's Note:**

> If you read it all, thank you from the bottom of my heart :’D Please don’t hesitate to leave comments, I would love love love to know what you thought about this :)  
> Thank you @valleydean & @bend-me-shape-me (tumblr) for all your input and being so effin’ patient with me :’)


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